I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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