never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
