Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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