i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
