Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
