take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
