I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
