Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
