i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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