If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
