let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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