you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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