in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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