3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
