Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
