# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
