One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
