at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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