What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
