just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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