Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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