mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
