there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How does one acquire holy water?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
