i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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