i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
