so that wasnt chicken after all
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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