Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
