We need to rekindle our bromance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
