im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
