Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
