Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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