genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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