Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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