wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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