im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
