True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
