I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
