Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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