It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Two words: nipple clamps
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