I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
