look no pants
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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