So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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