i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
