then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ketchup is God's man juice
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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