She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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