I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
