you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
