never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
