I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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