3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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