I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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