Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
