She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
