My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just tell him i said nine months
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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