do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
