Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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